


this isnt what the garrison would have wanted

by jorstens



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Multi, adam is our only saviour, but im trying, i dont really think tags are necessary for this, marked teen for dick jokes and implied sexual content, plus we like to disregard death, shameless group chat, so curtis? love the guy but adams alive alors buh bye bitch, so is like everything, theres a lot of ooc shit so don't mind that, this trope is overused but we don't need that attitude at the table, title is a work in progress, yall know what you are in for :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-09-28 03:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17174588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jorstens/pseuds/jorstens
Summary: A group chat was made.Or a place where everyone mutually agrees Adam is the DILF, Shiro would look damn good in a titty shirt, Victoria's "Secret" is a little too much for James, Keith is actually the god himself Anthony Sullivan and Lance believes roleplay is just another form of foreplay.And all that in just the first day.





	1. we're starting up with keith in a titty shirt

**Author's Note:**

> hey. yeah. i got bored and have not done an every-character chat fic before, and ik for a fact these are fun, easy to write and easier to update. so guess what yall are getting. enjoy.

[7:18 AM]

 

 **Matt Holt**  has created a group chat

 **Matt Holt**  has added 15 people to the group chat

 **Matt Holt**  has named the group chat to  **Gang Gang**

 

 **Matt** : The new garrison tech be whack

 **Matt** : Letting us create group chats and shit

 **Matt** : These hoes be thinking we're responsible people

 **Matt:**  That's whack

 **Matt** : Whack I tell you

 **Keith** : Oh god, Kill Me Now

 **Allura** : I don't really think that's what they made these for...

 **Allura** : Didn't they say to use these for "communication" purposes during missions??

 **Pidge** : holy shit

 **Lance** : holy shit

 **Lance** :  ****i hope to fucking god these things aren’t supervised bc if i have the ability to send memes even at the garrison, i'll be thrilled

 **Pidge** : i think we'll be fine as long as you don’t send dick pics

 **Keith** : oh god, pls don't send dick pics

 **Lance** : i'm not going to send dick pics wtf

 **Pidge** : lance would have really sent a dick pic on here by accident, ngl

 **Keith** : i don't think i want to see the words dick pic and lance in the same sentence ever again

 **Matt** : Not even two minutes into making this chat and we’re already talking about dick pics wtf

 **Lance** : who else did you add?????

 **Matt** : Uhhhhh

 **Matt** : Friends

 **Pidge** : that’s kinda ominous

 **James** : Oh fuck no

 

 **James Griffin** has left the chat

 **Matt Holt** has added **James Griffin** to the chat

 

 **Matt** : No

 **Keith** : yes

 **Keith** : u should just let him leave

 

 **Keith Kogane**  haskicked **James Griffin** out of the chat

 

 **Pidge** : is there literally anybody that you don't have beef with??

 **Keith** : hunk

 **Pidge** : fair play

 

 **Matt Holt** has added **James Griffin** to the chat

 

 **Matt** : We only accept friendship in this group chat

 **Matt** : James, Keith, contain urselves

 **James** : I DIDN'T DO IT THIS TIME, IT WAS KEITH

 **Lance** : yeah cause keith was being a mcbitch

 **Keith** : i was nOT

 **Shiro** : Language

 **Lance** : WHY ME

 **Shiro** : It's the first thing I saw when I logged on

 **** **Lance** : fine

 **Lance** : well

 **Lance** : keith was being a mean gal

 **Shiro** : That’s better, I guess

 **Keith** : been betrayed by my own brother

 **Romelle** : Hello, people, why have we made this group chat?

 **Lance** : ROMELLE HEYYY

 **Romelle** : Lance! Hello!!

 **Nadia** : my guess

 **Nadia** : matt made this gc for memes and gay thoughts

 **Lance** : this is bi erasure

 **Nadia** : memes and gay/bi thoughts

 **** **Matt** : Oh. To answer ur question btw from before

 **Matt** : We have me, Lance, Pidge, Keith, Shiro, Hunk in this chat

 **Matt** : Coran, Allura, Romelle

 **Matt** : Daddy Adam

 **Matt** : Acxa

 **Matt** : The MFE fighter pilots or whatever tf they are called

 **Matt** : And that's basically it

 **Matt** : bc everyone else is a bitch and wouldn't accept my shitposts

 **Nadia:**  WWE fighters sounds more right than MFE

 **Nadia:** have you seen kinkade?

 **James** : I have

 **Romelle** : !!

 **Nadia** : contain urself, jams

 **Pidge** : mfe sounds like such a badass title

 **Pidge** : and here we are, the "paladins of voltron"

 **Pidge** : can we not be the "warriors of the voltron" or smth

 **Pidge** : paladin sounds like some child roleplay

 **Keith** : why did you put is as "the voltron"

 **Lance** : its not roleplay if you use is at foreplay

 **Matt** : Hahujsdjhfd LANCE

 **Hunk** : I think Voltron sounds pretty badass in itself

 **Nadia** : yeah but once you realise it stands for Mecha-Flex-Exo it doesnt sound that intimidating

 **James** : On the contrary, that sounds sick as fuck

 **Keith** : ur only saying that bc you want it to seem cool

 **James** : Literally stfu

 **Matt** : Mecha flex on these hoes 

 **Pidge** : i can only see mf as motherfucking

 **Romelle** : Motherfucking Exo!

 **Shiro** : Romelle, no! Not you too.

 **Ryan** : i read it as milf

 **Lance** : KINKADE OMG

 **Pidge** : yeah, you would think that

 **Adam** : 

 **Adam** : Daddy Adam? 

 **Lance** : oh shit abort

 **Matt** : I won't hide from the truth

 **Matt** : I said it, and I meant it

 **Pidge** : nobody can deny adam is a literal dilf

 **Adam** : I'm not a dad, though?? 

 **James** : No offense sir, but you literally are.

 **Adam:** I...

 **Veronica** : is nobody going to question how adam knows what the term dilf means??

 **Shiro** : It's best not to ask

 **Veronica** : agshdjf tmi

 **Nadia** : he's a pilf

 **Nadia** : thats universal

 **Nadia** : "person i'd like to fuck"

 **Nadia** : u know who else is a pilf

 **Nadia** : ina

 **Ina** : I'm really not

 **Nadia** : AND ThERE SHE IS <33333

 **Lance** : gayyy

 **Nadia** : u know it

 

[4:02 PM]

 

 **Lance** : im so bored guys

 **Veronica** : im baking with hunk and showing acxa the basics, you can come over if you want

 **Lance** : OH SHIT PLS YES VERONICA I LOVE UUUU

 **Veronica** : you only love me for my baking

 **Lance** : thats not true

 **Keith:** it is very much true

 **Matt** : Lance is a fuckboy who only comes for the cookies, and then you never see him again

 **James** : He's a fratboy confirmed

 **Lance** : this is biphobic

 **Veronica** : promise me you'll hang at the mall after hours then

 **Lance** : but you'll take us to victoria's secret and i hate that place

 **Veronica** : well

 **Veronica** : guess you're a frackboy then

 **Pidge** : did u just put the word frat and fuck together?

 **Veronica** : i sure did

 **Lance** : OKAY FINE

 **Lance** : but we're going to starbucks after

 **Ryan** : what a basic

 **Veronica** : victoria's secret here we come

 **Pidge** : what is her secret tho

 **Ina** : It was made because some dude thought the Victorian era was cool and decided to evoke the kind of respectability from that. He quite literally made the name because of Victoria's "secrets" hidden beneath clothes.

 **James:** Are you trying to tell me it's based on Queen Victoria's vagina?

 **Ina** : Well... kind of but not really. Not in that sense...

 **Lance** : holy shit

 **James** : I'm just a little disturbed???

 **James** : Like what the fuck??????

 **Matt** : Getting frisky with the queen

 **Keith** : This is the one day I'm glad to be gay

 

[3:01 AM]

 

 **Lance** : there is god

 **Lance** : i have seen him

 **Lance** : my crops have been watered

 **Lance** : acne cleansed

 **Lance** : life is worth living

 **Nadia** : w ah t

 **Keith** : its 3 in the fucking morning, lance

 **Lance** : yeah but this is garrison, everyones awake except like shiro

 **James** : For once I believe with Kogane

 **Pidge** : "believe with"

 **James** : I MEANT AGREE

 **Acxa** : I didn't know Kogane was a religion

 **Lance** : sign me up if it is

 **Pidge** : i think its more james in a religion with keith and they're just believing it together

 **James** : I don't deserve this

 **Keith** : u kinda do

 **Ryan** : as long as its a religion u can be gay in, im fine with it

 **James** : Hjlkjskfjd

 **Lance** : kinky just did that

 **Pidge** : KINKY???

 **Ryan** : nvm, im going back to the dark abyss where i dont respond to the group chat

 **Veronica** : u literally sent three things on this group chat

 **Veronica** : and one of those was just "milf"

 

 **Matt Holt** has changed **Ryan** **Kinkade** 'sname to **Kinky**

 

 **Pidge** : u can do that??? holy fuck garrison gave us too much free will

 **Kinky** : I HAVE IVERSON AS A CONTACT ON HERE

 **Matt** : then change it

 **Kinky** : 

 **Kinky** : I DONT KNOW HOW

 **Matt** : Haha

 **Matt** : Until you find out, it's staying

 **Matt** : James don't tell him

 **Kinky:** JAMES PLS

 **James** : :) No :)

 **Nadia** : i didn't know james had it in him to be this cocky

 **Nadia** : he's so gay i saw him quaking over kinkade simply working out

 **Ina** : To be fair, Kinkade's shirt was pulled up a little too high with those crutches

 **Nadia** : u have smth to tell me bb?

 **Ina** : I'm a lesbian

 **Nadia** : okay good, thought u got converted there

 **James** : I want to die

 **Pidge** : MATT

 **Pidge** : can you change mine to ass gremlin?

 

 **Matt Holt** changed **Pidge Gunderson** 's name to **ass gremlin**

 

 **Matt** : Aaand while I'm at it

 

 **Matt Holt** changed **Adam W** 's name to **DILF**

 

 **ass gremlin** : holy shit yes

 **Matt** : Unstoppable

 **DILF** : I will change this as soon as I can....

 **Matt** : Good luck, I have the patience of a snake

 **Matt** : Hissss hisssss

 **Matt** : U try and change it, I'll change it back

 **Matt** : I could go on for days

 **Matt** : I'm a literal god

 **Lance:** speaking of god, anybody interest in why i was freaking tf out??

 **Keith** : not really

 **James** : No

 **ass gremlin** : its about allura probably

 **Lance:** STFU ALL OF YOU

 **Allura** : Lance, ily, but I'm not interested

 **Lance:** ITS NOT ABOUT ALLURA

 **Lance:**  OMG

 **Hunk:** I'm listening

 **Romelle:** As am I

 **Lance:** at least i have you two :')

 **Shiro:** What is it, Lance?

 **Lance** : wow everyone is just awake at 3 am

 **Lance** : iconic that this is the one time we see shiro active

 **Shiro** : Get to the point

 **Lance:**  OKAY

 **Lance** : [thisiswhyimasterbate.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDmcL3LBEo4&t=0s&index=23&list=PLrKO3AzWO1QDpC_P0kPWhYvT5fx7vfpYX)

 **ass gremlin:** OMG IM SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU

 **Matt:** You're right, god is real

 **Shiro** : I'm scared to click it because of the file name

 **Lance** : fingers crossed that garrison doesn't have chat histories 

 **Hunk** : Lance going to jail? More likely than you think.

 **Lance** : did you just-

 **Lance** : HUNK

 **Hunk:** :)

 **Axca:** Don't drop the soap in jail, Lance

 **Keith** : knowing him he would

 **Lance:** THIS CHAT IS BRINGING OUT THE WORST IN PEOPLE

 **James:**  Ngl, God is Anthony Sullivan

 **Kinky:** i believe with that

 **James:** RYAN STOP

 **ass gremlin:**  isnt this whole video just summing keith up

 **Matt:**  Is it tho?

 **ass gremlin** : "did you know you can sell things with it as well? such as murder?"

 **Matt:**  Yeah ok i see it

 **Keith:** ohmygod

 **Acxa:** "im slicing and dicing this celery's whole family"

 **Keith:** not you too, acxa

 **ass gremlin:** i wouldnt shove this pineapple into my wiener whole if it was the last pineapple on earth

 **Keith:**  STOP IT

 **ass gremlin** : it makes sense bc if kogane is literal god anthony sullivan, then he's indeed a religion

 **ass gremlin** : james was right

 **ass gremlin** : we believe

 **James** : oh shut it

 **James:**  but "here's the secret, its the erect nipples" doesn't match up tho

 **Nadia:** but shitty knife into a titty knife does

 **Lance:** OK, picture this

 **Lance:** titty shirt keith

 **Hunk:** Titty shirt?

 **Lance:** [tittyshirt.jpg](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1BvWxIFXXXXcNXFXXq6xXFXXXi/Hot-Japanese-Fashion-Women-Sexy-Anime-Keyhole-Sweater-Turtleneck-all-match-sexy-basic-shirt.jpg)

 **Lance:** he already has the gloves version, why not go full out?

 **Kinky:** full out as in pants too?

 **Veronica:** guns out, tits out, dicks out

 **Keith:** im going to kill myself

 **Keith:** jump over the fucking bridge

 **Keith:** and its all your faults

 **Lance:** i wouldnt let you do that until you wear the titty shirt

 **Nadia:** imagine the cops finding a body at the bottom of a bridge wearing nothing but a titty shirt

 **Allura:** I actually quite like that fashion

 **Allura:** I mean, if you keep in your titties hidden that is

 **Lance:** allura over here being a fashion icon since 10000000 years ago

 **Allura:** Give or take away a few years

 **Lance:** PFT

 **Shiro:**  I want this chat to burn

 **Shiro** : Burn like those damn titty shirt

 **ass gremlin** : dont lie shiro, u want one

 **Shiro** : No

 **Nadia** : u like... practically already have one

 **Veronica** : not to mention he has tits

 **Veronica** : a buck load

 **Lance** : my aesthetic is now titty shirt shiro, forget keith

 **James** : Thats a first

 **Shiro** : It's not that much titty

 **DILF** : Oh but Takashi... it is

 **Shiro** : Oh my god

 **Lance** : K FUCKING 'OD

 **ass gremlin** : hajshffh gayyy

 **Veronica** : screen shotted and saved

 

 **Matt Holt** has changed **Takashi Shiro** 's name to **Titty God**

**Lance:** ive have never wheezed more in my life

 **Allura:** Oh my

 **Romelle:** That is really funny!

 **ass gremlin** : matt out here being the greatest brother alive

 **Titty God** : :((

 **DILF:** :))

 

[7:20 AM]

 

 **Coran** : Hello everyone! What have I missed?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it seems as if not all the characters speak much, but we have our locals memes and they, sorta, overpower the others. i promise everyone gets their fair share of cameos. 
> 
> oh btw they aint in space, this is just in the garrison. guess thats p important to say lmao. i dunno the setting, or if its post/pre war, but its somewhere.
> 
> hope u enjoyed it tho :))))  
> its just a snippet of whats to come


	2. its already getting gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not as if it wasn't before

[7:39 AM]

 

 **Lance:** CORAN!! UR HERE

 **Coran:** Yes, it is it!

 **Lance:** you didn't miss much honestly

 **Keith:** just lance being a mcbitch

 **Lance:** listen keith, stfu

 **Keith:** make me

 **Nadia:** that's a lil gay, keith

 **Lance:** hajshjss

 **Keith:** what??

 **Coran:** Do you accept his challenge, Lance????

 **Lance:** i….

 **Keith:** yeah lance do u accept my challenge

 **Nadia:** ohmygod

 **Allura:** This is more interesting than it ought to be

 **Romelle:** I agree

 **James:** God, this is too much for me

 **James:** Matt, take me out

 **Matt:** Uhhh, no thank you, I’m not available mentally

 **James:** I DIDN'T MEAN ON A DATE

 **James:** OMG

 **James:** I MEANT DEATH

 **Kinky:** you have something to tell me, james?

 **Kinky:** didn't know anime weebs was your thing :/

 **James:** What???

 **Matt:** Anime fucking weeb my ass

 **ass gremlin:** u literally watch more anime than all of us combined

 **Matt:** I’m a watcher not a weeb

 **ass gremlin:** may i remind you when you first saw my friends you went all anime senpai on them

 **Allura:** I was confused for a couple days

 **Allura:** I wondered if you were really real

 **Matt:** Hhahajdj I'm not the most social

 **Matt:** I get awkward and never know what to do/say

 **ass** **gremlin:** it's fine matt, honestly, i now have so many pictures for blackmail

 **Titty God:** I saw nothing wrong

 **ass gremlin:** that's bc matt was different around you

 **Matt:** Dude I had like a full on crush on you for a full hot hour

 **Titty God:** Oh

 **Titty God:** I’m taken

 **Titty God:** Sorry, Matt

 **Matt:** Well I know that fucking now

 **Matt:** I’m over it but everyone kinda had a crush on you at some point so I just fell in line

 **DILF:** Yeah, I had a crush on the Titty God too, dunno if you guys noticed :/

 **ass gremlin:** I'M

 **Matt:** LMAO

 **Titty God:** “HAD”

 **DILF:** Well, obviously it got resolved

 **DILF:** Sorry, Takashi, I’m only dating you for future tax benefits

 **Titty God:** Damn, didn't know I could have been used like that

 **Matt:**  Well, I’m now like, a free pan spirit looking for universal love

 **ass gremlin:** the true legend of pan

 **Nadia:** real question here

 **Nadia:** ryan and james aren't dating but what's keeping them from doing it??

 **Lance:** straight to the esophagus

 **James:** WHAT???

 **Ina:** It’s because James is dense.

 **Nadia:** ahjskdhs i love u ina

 **Kinky:** the local lesbian wisdom

 **James:** Why am I dense??

 **ass gremlin:** you are more blind than me and that's saying something

 **Keith:** he can not only fail to fly a ship, he fails at reciprocating feelings

 **ass gremlin:** that's rich, kogane

 **James:** I’m so confused guys, please

 **Veronica:** this chat went from kinda homo to all the homo, wow

 **Veronica:** in exhibit a, we have keith wanting to eagerly make out with lance

 **Keith:** wha

 **Keith:** what no

 **Keith:** that's not what i meant

 **Lance:** hahakdjhs

 **Keith:** i hate lance

 **Keith:** i, of course, don't want to make out with him

 **Lance:** wow thanks

 **Keith:** he was annoying me!

 **Titty God:** Oh boy

 **Nadia:** lmfAO

 **ass gremlin:** i'm enjoying my popcorn and watching gay struggles this is great

 **Lance:** uhhh

 **ass gremlin:** bi struggles included

 **Lance:** thank u.

 **Veronica:** exhibit b, we have the pure and wholesome lesbians ina and nadia

 **Veronica:** people should follow up on u guys

 **Nadia:** u know we’re the best couple <333

 **Ina:** I feel like there should no be a “best couple”, but I do love Nadia

 **Nadia:** :DDD<3333

 **Ina:** <3

 **ass gremlin:** cute

 **Veronica:** exhibit c, james trynna hook up with matt?

 **Veronica:** biggest plot twist since sherlock gnomes

 **Romelle:** A good movie!!!!!!

 **Romelle:** Though, I do love the original better

 **Allura:** Romelle, I have the DVD for the original. Would you like to watch it with me??

 **Veronica:** exhibit c.5, this^

 **Titty God:** Everyone is so dense, I agree with Ina.

 **Veronica:** it took you a couple years before you asked adam out, you don't get to say anything

 **Veronica:** it took nadia two weeks before she realised she liked ina and went after her

 **Veronica:** a week later, they dated

 **Titty God:** Yeah

 **Titty God:** Well

 **Titty God:** We dated first

 **Veronica:** :/

 **DILF:** :/

 **Titty God:**  :(

 **DILF:** I can’t compare us to the holy lesbians, Takashi

 **Titty God:** Wow

 **James:** WAIT

 **James:** Rewind for a hot second

 **James:** VERONICA

 **James:** I DON'T WANT TO GET WITH MATT

 **James:** OMG

 **Kinky:** i sure hope not

 **Nadia:** ryan, u gotta talk to ur mans

 **Kinky:** it's damn hard when he's playing hard to get

 **James:** I’m playing what now????

 **Kinky:** yeah

 **Kinky:** hot but oblivious

 **Veronica:** damn i raise my case

 **Coran:** James and Kinkade are not dating?

 **Nadia:** we all wish but no

 **James:** ???

 **Nadia:** the only ones dating here are me and ina, adam and shiro and hunk and shay

 **Nadia:** but shay can’t text unfortunately

 **Hunk:** She doesn’t have a phone but she found access to some sort of com, so we chat via that

 **Hunk:** Also Pidge has been helping us :)

 **ass gremlin:** ayyy ur welcome

 **Lance:** how is she doing???

 **Hunk:** She’s doing great, she wants to visit soon

 **Lance:** wholesome

 **Hunk:**  I know

 **Veronica:** what's all of ur excuses on not dating

 **Lance:** mmmh idk what's YOURS

 **Veronica:** excuse me?

 **Lance:** i don't like outing ppl but we’ll have a chat later

 **Lance:** u know damn well what i'm talking about

 **Veronica:** i bought you starbucks the least you could do is not mention anything

 **Lance:** they’re never here!!!!

 **Lance:** they are less active than shiro and adam

 **Nadia:** whooooomm??

 **Veronica:** hhhh

 **Veronica:** nobody

 **ass gremlin:** that's bc they are dads and don't like texting

 **Titty God:** Social conversations are important

 **Matt:** Ngl, this is the most social I’ve been in days and I’ve only texted on here

 **James:** I'm so confused...

 

[9:03 AM]

 

 **Matt:** If I was a song, I'd be On The Floor by J-Lo

 **Matt:** [goddessinaction.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4H_Zoh7G5A)

 **Lance:** can't believe jennifer lopez invented this generation

 **ass gremlin:** she's like a female version of you, matt

 **Lance:** same outfits too

 **Matt:** I meant the song guys, not J-Lo

 **Matt:** But ngl, I'd slay that spandex

 **ass gremlin:** tbh, id be ultra dragon dream feet

 **Allura:** What is that?

 **ass gremlin:** [myultimatepersona.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLYhnBaWOzc)

 **Allura:** That is

 **Allura:** Not what I expected

 **Lance:** hey allura!

 **Allura:** Lance, hello.

 **Allura:** What do you guys think I'd be as a song?

 **ass gremlin:** [this.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtRfGeK0xNw)

 **ass gremlin:** but as a princess of course

 **Matt:** And minus the political shit in that episode

 **Lance:** lazy town was so good

 **Lance:** sportacus could have stepped on me anyday

 **ass gremlin:** keith is absolutely bewitched

 **Lance:** BY BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR??!!

 **ass gremlin:** u know it

 **Keith:** the what now?

 **Matt:** [Cursed.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bEDM4bsfWg)

 **Matt:** It's between emo, goth and scene

 **ass gremlin:** literally just keith

 **Matt:** Does that make Lance the girl?

 **Lance:** WHAT

 **Keith:** IM NOT LIKE THAT

 **Lance:** yknow what

 **Lance:** ive learned to just accept my faith when it comes to matt and pidge

 **Matt:** Owo

 **ass gremlin:** uwu

 **Lance:** i have another one for keith

 **Lance:** [aaaaaah.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvrZJ5C_Nwg)

 **Allura:** That is indeed Keith

 **Keith:** JUST BECAUSE I WAS BORN IN TEXAS

 **Lance:** makes you an automatic cowboy, yeah

 **ass gremlin:** tag urselves im the screaming man

 **Matt:** I'm the whistling lady

 **ass gremlin:** keith and lance are the two cowboys

 **Matt:**  The horses are multiple Shiros

 **Lance:** i dibs my horse as sven

 **Allura:** That plot twist with the "for all of us" got to me

 **Matt:** Yes, Allura!

 **Allura:** :)

 **Keith:** its fucking 6 minutes long i dont want to know when that part is

 **ass gremlin:** allura watched the whole thing???

 **Allura:** It was entertaining

 **Allura:** They were basically fighting over the land (the two cowboys) and then they were like "well, i guess this town is big enough for the both of us" throughout the first 3 minutes. Which was kind of nice, and it reminded me of a certain two boys we know.

 **Allura:** Finally, the plot twist near 3:30 is "but this town might just be big enough... for all of us!"

 **Allura:**  Then they start naming all the countries in the world, while pointing at the guy in the sky, as if to include everybody.

 **ass gremlin:** in this essay i will

 **Lance:** if i ever have to write a thesis, im writing it on that video

 **Allura:** They are indeed you and Keith though...

 **Allura:** They even have the same colours scheme and same attitude

 **Allura:** Not to mention the mullet

 **Lance:** aghfjdjd

 **Keith:**  are you saying we should reconcile and embrace the world?

 **Allura:** I'm saying you should do much more

 **ass gremlin:** omgggg

 **ass gremlin:** allura is out here giving REAL TALK

 **Matt:** Lannce, what are you?

 **Lance:** suffering bc i was told to be a gay emo cowboy with keith

 **Matt:** I meant ur song, dumbass

 **Lance:** fuck if i know

 **ass gremlin:** [watchout.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1c2KzJbcGA)

 **Lance:** WHY

 **ass gremlin:**  the tight pants

 **ass gremlin:** the lion fetish

 **ass gremlin:** and ive seen you do body rolls before

 **Lance:** ahjsdjdn

 **Allura:** If we are associating our friends with these videos, can I suggest the MFE pilots as the little trolls?

 **Keith:** james is the unibrow troll, confirmed

 **Lance:** I LOVE THAT

 **Titty God:** [ThisIsMe.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o)

 **Lance:** shiro you did not just

 **Lance:** OMG

 **Keith:** shiro pls no

 **Allura:** I hear him laughing all the way from the training room

 **ass gremlin:** IN THE TRAINING ROOM

 **Titty God:** :)

 **Allura:** What is Adam then?

 **Matt:** A bottom probably

 **ass gremlin:** i dont think that's what she meant by that

 **Allura:** No

 **Allura:** Not at all

 **DILF:** [Untitled.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOxt6k9H7FE)

 **DILF:**  That is me at you guys

 **Lance:** who knew adam was _this_ funny

 **Keith:** he likes to hide it

 **Titty God:** <3 He's the best

 **DILF:** Yeah, I am

 **DILF:** Though, I don't know how to do that heart thing

 **Titty God:** <333333

 **Titty God:** It's just a "bigger/smaller than" and a "3"

 **Titty God:** Allura taught me

 **Allura:** ;)

 **DILF:** Oh

 **DILF:** <3

 **DILF** : It was that simple.

 **Matt:**  There's a man I thrive to have

 **Titty God:** Matt

 **Matt:** What

 **Matt:** I'm allowed to be desperate

 **Lance:**  keith i have something you'll love

 **Keith:** if its shiro and adam having sex in the training room i dont think i will

 **Lance:** [james.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwzUs1IMdyQ)

 **Lance:** it looks like james in his pilot suit

 **Keith:** oh my god

 **Matt:**  The audience is Kinkade looking at James like he's the light of his life

 **ass gremlin:** his dick is like

 **ass gremlin:** hanging out of that suit

 **Matt:** I found Kinkade

 **Matt:** [hothothothot.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8S0ef_L78A)

 **ass gremlin:**  i mean

 **ass gremlin:**  what we think of him, maybe

 **Keith:** he is hot, ngl

 **Lance:** the original is my favourite thing

 **Allura:** I was thinking

 **Allura:** [I'mNotGay.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS9KPwfylmg)

 **Allura:** For James, of course

 **Lance:** thats like his whole entire story

 **Lance:** with both keith as those friends, and kinkade as that guy pouring water over his face

 **Keith:** he didnt like me like that

 **Keith:** we hated each other

 **Lance:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **ass gremlin:** at least lance is accepting

 **ass gremlin:** if lance would have said he had a crush on james, keith would have been _soooo_ jealous

 **Keith:** I DONT GET "JEALOUS"

 **Lance:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Keith:** stop it!!

 **ass gremlin:** he didnt deny the other thing

 **Matt:**  OH MAN ALLURA I LOVE THAT VIDEO

 **Allura:** Thank you, Matt

 **Allura:** What are Ina and Nadia then

 **Nadia:** I HEARD MY NAME

 **Lance:** scroll up and decide

 **Nadia:** mia khalifa

 **ass gremlin:** NOT THAT

 **ass gremlin:** ANYTHING BUT THAT

 **Allura:** You'll have to update me, guys

 **Matt:** [burnit.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w-C0-zVaW8)

 **Matt:** I usually skip to 1:45

 **Lance:** whoOOOoooOooOoOOooooOOOOOOO do yOuU think You ArrREAAAREEE

 **Keith:** LANCE NO

 **Lance:** hehe

 **Nadia:** [lanceandhunk.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJVt8kUAm9Q)

 **Lance:** LMFAO

 **Lance:** IM SHOWING HUNK ONE SEC

 **Keith:** "in the most heterosexual way"

 **Keith:** is that really lance?

 **Matt:** Yeah, but Keith, you're apart of that

 **Matt:** Rubbing your gay all of him

 **Keith:** MATT

 **Matt:** Just saying ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Matt:** [Pidge.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWKYpy__lfA)

 **ass gremlin:** STFU LMAO

 **Nadia:** [lmmmaooo.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hPMmzKs62w)

 **Nadia:** i found ina's other persona

 **ass gremlin:** madonna tried to do smth and it didnt work lmao

 **Lance:** u fucking with madonna right there, pidge???

 **Lance:** MY QUEEN???

 **Keith:** of course lance likes madonna

 **Matt:** The funny thing is that when it's Nicki's part, she's just seen on a screen pre-recorded most likely, as if she didn't want to be in the same room as Madonna

 **Allura:**  I mean... the beat is catchy

 **ass gremlin:**  the only catchy thing is nicki's verse

 **ass gremlin:** the rest is weird to watch

 **Lance:** i quite enjoy it

 **Keith:** didnt madonna spend millions to fix the gap in her teeth, and then spent millions to undo that fix, regaining back the gap??

 **Nadia** : most likely

 **Matt:** CHRIS ROCK IS IN IT LMAO WHATS HE DOING

 **ass gremlin:** literally this whole video are my last brain cells merged with cocaine

 **Allura:** Is there any reason for the zipper noises at 3:30?

 **Matt:** ZIPPER NOISES

 **Keith:** it's imitating my aneurysm coming in

 **Nadia:** KEITH

 **Matt:** Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw, she's 60

 **Allura:**  She does not look 60

 **Allura:** I mean, good for her, I guess, but I do not believe it

 **ass gremlin:**  drown yourself with botox guys

 **ass gremlin** : omg but picture this

 **ass gremlin** : zarkon and honerva with botox

 **Lance** : god the cheekbones they would have

 **Matt** : Scawy

 **Nadia:** oh, btw, everyones out today bc garrison sent them on a mission to retrieve something

 **Nadia:** i dont actually know what it is lmao

 **Nadia:** i wasnt paying attention but we often like to let james and ina lead

 **Nadia:** me and kinkade have been making fun of the different forms of rocks that look like the backyardigan characters

 **Allura:**  Speaking of, Romelle is picking out my clothes for tonight, so that's why she hasn't been texting either.

 **Allura:** And Coran just doesn't know how to text "frequently".

 **Allura:** He thinks he needs a day break before replying, to give the sense of well-administered and detained social communication.

 **ass gremlin:** u know damn well you're going to have to pick your own stuff

 **Allura:** I like watching her be happy over her choices

 **Lance:** fucking adorable

 **Matt:** Well, we already know where Adam and Shiro are...

 **Keith:** dont remind me

 **ass gremlin:** k imma have to leave too

 **ass gremlin:** i got some tv shows to watchhh

 **Matt:** DONT DO THAT WITHOUT ME

 **ass gremlin:**  then come on over matty b

 **Lance:** MATTY B

 **Matt:** THATS AMAZING

 

 **Matt Holt**  changed his name to  **MattyBRaps**

 

 **MattyBRaps** : The best of the best, and almost complete. We just need to decide names for the rest of you guys

 **MattyBRaps** : Anyways, I'll be down in 5 mins

 **ass gremlin:** alllrighty

 **Lance:** im gonna be with hunk, we're gonna play some video games

 **Lance:**  keith you can come too

 **Keith:** sure

 **Lance:** cant wait to bEAT YOUR ASSSSS

 **Keith:** YOURE ON

 **ass gremlin:** ahhh what its like to be young and in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wont make it a slow burn guys, i promise, but it may take a few chapters for some of them to come to their sense.
> 
> btw the reason why i havent come up with "names" for the rest of the crew, is bc i want it to eventually get to everyone. the names aren't given to you guys all at once so you all know the context of why their names are as such and so you dont get confused by the "wtf whos who" dilemma, having to look at the author's notes to check every single time bc its forgettable. so now we have daddy dilf, titty god, matty b and ass gremlin. it also helps me somewhat bc im not good at spontaneous comedy. but we'll get there. im gonna make this a lengthy fic after all ;)) a big thiccyy ;)))))
> 
> hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless !!


	3. no hp stans were harmed in the making of this chapter (i hope)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT, this one is hella long btw
> 
> also my computer crashed, so i had to restart the whole fucking thing which made me ANGERY but its whatever. hence why its late. but i prolonged it to make up for my computer's problems, so hope u enjoy.
> 
> im sure yall will like this one ;)  
> we got a broad spectrum of the ships here, fellas
> 
> but hp fans not so much if you suffered like i did in 2011...

[10:06 AM]

 

 **MattyBRaps:** Hey!

 **Lance:**  hello, matt holt!

 **MattyBRaps:** Wow! Didn't see you there, Lance McClain!

 **Lance:** so, matt holt, how are u?

 **MattyBRaps:** I am really fine, Lance McClain!

 **Lance:** that so? well, whats on the menu today, matt holt?

 **MattyBRaps:**  Great that you mentioned the menu, Lance McClain!

 **MattyBRaps:**  What is on the menu???

 **Lance:** well, matt holt, i do have a hunch

 **MattyBRaps:**  Does it start with 'B' and ends in 'owling'?

 **Lance:** :0 u read my mind

 **MattyBRaps:** Let's go bowlingggg!!!

 **Lance:** heckckkk yeahahh

 **ass gremlin:**  did you practice this blatant scripted conversation in order to suggest going to the new bowling centre?

 **Lance:** pfft watever do u mean, pidge?

 **MattyBRaps:** Yeah, we just wanna go bowling

 **Lance:** BOWLLLINNNG

 **MattyBRaps:** BOOOWWWLLLLING

 **Keith:** whats the point of bowling anyways? you just throw a ball at pins.

 **Lance:** u get snazzy shoes and white clothes light up neon

 **ass gremlin:** ngl it has a cool aura about it

 **Lance:** funky floors and high scores

 **Romelle:** I never went bowling before, this would be super enjoyable, I think :)

 **MattyBRaps:** Heck yeah! We got Romelle!

 **MattyBRaps:** Which means instant Allura

 **MattyBRaps:** Which means instant Shiro and Adam

 **Titty God:** Do we even get a say in this?

 **DILF:** We never really do.

 **Lance:** me and hunk are already planning this outing

 **ass gremlin:** we paying there or online?

 **Lance:** i only have cash sooo

 **Allura:**  I think this will be quite amusing, actually.

 **Allura:** Do we need specific clothes?

 **Lance:** not really, but if you want like the ultra experience, make sure you have light coloured clothing

 **Lance:** you'll be like a beacon in the dark

 **Lance:** im going full boy band on this shit

 **ass gremlin:** all white??? 

 **Lance:** u know it

 **ass gremlin:** oh god

 **Nadia:** then we have keith in all black

 **Keith:**  fuck off :)

 **Nadia:**  you wish, homo boy

 **Keith:** is that really coming from the biggest lesbian i have ever seen?

 **Nadia:** i didnt need to be attacked like this kogane, but you know what

 **Nadia:** i stand FULLY by that title

 **Nadia:** anyways me and ina are going, the BIGGEST LESBIANS

 **Keith** : whatever

 **Nadia:** and you guys are going to be third wheeling so HARD

 **Keith** : jokes on u

 **Nadia** : we'll see about that

 **Titty God:**  Shadam doesn't even need a third wheel, we just roll so hard for one.

 **ass gremlin** : ahjdsjsss

 **DILF:** Uh, Adashi, thank you very much.

 **Lance:** u guys are really out here naming urselves?

 **ass gremlin:** asghdhss

 **Titty God:** Why shouldn't we have?

 **Keith:** fair point

 **Keith:**  the fact that they themselves don't know which one to choose from is amazing

 **ass gremlin:** i often thought the shipping names were a certain way

 **ass gremlin:** and the top goes first, bottom goes second

 **Nadia:** wtffff is that really a thing

 **ass gremlin:** urban legend supposedly

 **Lance:** i dont believe it

 **Lance:** i think its just whichever sounds right

 **Lance** : whichever sounds luscious

 **Keith** : luscious sounds like a gross word

 **Lance** : okkkaayyy u can fuck off

 **Romelle:** Would that mean that Shiro and Adam are not agreeing on who tops?

 **ass gremlin:** ahshshshs fuck

 **MattyBRaps:** They all think Shiro's the top smh

 **MattyBRaps:**  We all know he's a bottom for sure

 **Nadia:**  wth shiro hella tops

 **Nadia:** we established yesterday that adam's a bottom

 **Lance** : [adam.jpg](https://media.tenor.com/images/856cfbaf52495b648291f833cb401da1/raw)

 **Keith:**  wtfffff

 **ass gremlin:**  we broke keith lmfao

 **Keith** : dont let it reach my mind

 **Lance** : k birdbox

 **Titty God:** We like watching people fight over this stuff.

 **DILF:** Keeps us entertained.

 **Nadia:**  that's sadistic >:(

 **ass gremlin:** two sadists in a relationship?

 **ass gremlin:**  damn thats hardcore

 **Nadia:** just tell us WHO TOPS AND BOTTOMS

 **MattyBRaps:** There may or may not be a bet on it uwu

 **MattyBRaps:** C'mon Shiro, u get me

 **MattyBRaps:** HELP A BRO OUT

 **Titty God:** Nah. 

 **MattyBRaps:** SHIROO

 **DILF:**  Hey, Matt, I do have some information for you.

 **MattyBRaps:** Hmm, I'm intrigued :)

 **DILF:**  Takashi once accidentally fell into the fountain on our first date, because he tried to throw in a coin but ended throwing his whole body. He did not realise his strength.

 **DILF:**  And he once texted Iverson he loved him when it was meant for me. He was quite flustered.

 **DILF:** He once, at the gym, accidentally led a guy on because the guy thought Takashi was flirting with him when Takashi only wanted a towel.

 **Titty God:**  Adam!

 **Titty God:** I don't deserve this.. :'(

 **DILF:** Maybe you do.

 **Titty God:** Is this because I told the Colleen you had cats in the dorm?

 **DILF:** Maybe.

 **Titty God:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

 **ass gremlin:** l m f a o

 **Lance:**  did colleen send the cat away???? SHIRO!!!

 **Titty God:** Of course she did not, seriously Adam there were no worries.

 **DILF:** It's the principle.

 **Titty God:** Colleen was just surprised, that's all.

 **Titty God:** She didn't care.

 **DILF:** :/

 **Titty God:** Adam pls forgive me :((((

 **DILF:** Maybe, not too sure yet.

 **DILF:** Kevin, Gregory Brad and myself are not happy with you.

 **ass gremlin:** u named the cats kevin, gregory and brad?

 **DILF:**  Of course. Why wouldn't I have?

 **Nadia** : many reasons

 **DILF:** Mmmh.

 **DILF:** Maybe I just don't like names similar to 'fuzzy' or 'wub-wub'

 **DILF:** I'd rather keep it... professional.

 **ass gremlin:** WUB WUB

 **Lance:** those names are specific

 **Lance:** dont TELL ME THOSE ARE THE NAMES SHIRO RECOMMENDED

 **DILF:** He is not good at choosing pet names.

 **Titty God:** I tried my hardest.

 **DILF:** Not hard enough.

 **Keith:** yes, gregory, the best name for a cat

 **DILF:** Do you have a problem with Greg?

 **Keith:** none at all

 **Keith:** i have a problem with shiro, however

 **Keith:** we'll have to talk later, mr

 **Titty God:** I literally hate this day

 **MattyBRaps:** THEN COME BOWLING

 **Titty God:** We were going to go anyways

 **Titty God:** We don't go out on dates as much as we used to

 **DILF:** Maybe, because you are a traitor to the crown.

 **Titty God:** GOD DAMN IT, ADAM

 **DILF:** Don't say your name in vain like that, Takashi.

 **DILF:** Though it is true, we don't go on dates that much. I'm beginning to think Shiro has forgotten about me.

 **Lance:** hes using the name shiro, damn u basically broke the adashi household

 **Nadia:**  *shadam

 **MattyBRaps:** ADASHI

 **Keith** : this will never end, will it?

 **Kinky:**  you guys literally live together, every night is a date night.

 **Nadia:** kinkade, u actually texted

 **Kinky:** there's reasons why i leave

 **Kinky** : so dont make me reconsider my stay

 **Nadia** : >:(

 **Titty God:**  Adam's been petty and has been avoiding me, Kinkade.

 **Titty God:** He even resorted to feeding with the cats instead.

 **MattyBRaps:** He goes on the floor with them???

 **DILF:**  Haha.

 **Titty God:**  No... He's been putting my plate on the floor and the cat dishes on the table.

 **Nadia:** OHMYFUCKIFN GOD

 **Kinky** : damn thats cold

 **ass gremlin:**  even the kink himself doesn't appreciate this form of pet play

 **Kinky:** im not actually kinky

 **Lance:**  ngl, adam thats like the epitome of petty

 **Keith:** i didnt take u for someone who knew what epitome means, lance

 **Lance:** shut it, this is not about us today keith

 **Keith:** :/

 **DILF:** The cats mean a lot to me.

 **Titty God:** More than me, apparently

 **DILF:**  Nooo <3

 **Titty God:** Frick you, Adam.

 **Titty God:** <3

 **DILF:** :)

 **Lance:** he cant even come around and swear at adam

 **Lance:** what goals

 **Keith:** :/

 **MattyBRaps:** I stg if you guys start aggressively making out in the corner of the bowling centre, I will exterminate you

 **MattyBRaps:** Pow Pow, u both dead

 **MattyBRaps** :   ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( · ͜͞ʖ·) =ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿

 **ass gremlin:** what the flipping fuck is that

 **MattyBRaps:**  Me and my boys(guns)

 **Keith** : glad u had to clarify that you meant guns 

 **ass gremlin:** dont ever bring that cursed thing to this chat ever again

 **MattyBRaps:**  Ok

 **MattyBRaps:**   ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( · ͜͞ʖ·) =ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿.

 

 **ass gremlin** left the chat

 **MattyBRaps** added **ass gremlin** to the chat

 

 **MattyBRaps:** IM SORRY

 **ass gremlin:** u better be

 **ass gremlin:** so whos actually going bowling

 **ass gremlin:** i wanna know how much fucks to bring

 **Lance:** me, matt, u, adam, shiro, allura, romelle, hunk

 **Lance:** nadia, ina

 **Lance:** allura texted coran, he can make it

 **Lance:** and maybe keith

 **Keith:**  um, yes keith

 **Lance:** so yeah, keith's coming

 **Kinky:** count me and james in

 **Lance:** YEsS

 **Lance:** im gonna ask veronica and then acxa, and then its like a full out party

 

[11:02 AM]

 

 **Lance:** THEY CANT GOO

 **Nadia:** huh why

 **Keith:** they're on their first date

 **Lance:** WHAT

 **Lance** : ThATS

 **Lance:** WHAT

 **Keith:** did you not know?

 **Lance:** NO

 **Keith:** sucks to suck, lance

 **Lance:** veronica just said, and i quote, 'yeah no cant, soz'

 **Lance:** axca just said, and i also quote, 'no'

 **Keith:** yeah, acxa told me

 **Keith:** said something about veronica being outed and stressed and gay

 **Keith:** heard it was an idiots fault that she was pressured

 **Keith:** but hey that idiot was actually right and observant

 **Keith:** and axca said yes for the date

 **Keith:** dunno what she was worried about considering they were both pining like hell

 **Nadia:** bit rich, kogane :/

 **ass gremlin:** did you just lowkey compliment lance?

 **Keith:** no

 **Lance:** he called me an idiot, how is that a compliment?

 **ass gremlin:** nvm

 **Lance:**  on that note

 **Lance** : WHY DIDNT VERONICA TELL ME, KEITH?

 **Keith:** listen, im only a simple messenger

 **Nadia:** thats a damn diddly lie

 **Nadia:**  you and axca are tight as hell, she probably told you everything. and you decided to spill it here, making lance jealous bc axca told you but veronica did not tell him

 **Keith:**  mmh maybe

 **Keith:**  it seems im close with acxa but lance and his sister arent

 **Keith:** sucks, doesnt it?

 **Lance:** >:o

 **Nadia:**  anyways u gays, uhhh when are we going?

 **Lance:** bi-erasure

 **Nadia:** u know what i meant

 **Hunk:** It's an hour per game, or 45 minutes, so me and Lance were thinking two games?

 **Hunk:** Especially we'll be in groups, taking up 2 alleys so.

 **Hunk:**  However, we are 14 people altogether, a little over the max of 12... so someone will have an extra person on each team, perhaps sharing their point system with someone else.

 **Ina:** I do not really want to physically bowl, so I will share with Nadia.

 **DILF:**  Me too. I will team with Takashi. I prefer watching rather than playing.

 **Hunk:** Then it's settled. We'll choose the rest of our teams over there :)

 **Lance:**  were thinking 2:30? that good?

 **MattyBRaps:** Perfect

 **Romelle:** Of course!

 **Ina** : Sure.

 **Nadia:** omg ina can we do that thing where im behind you and pretending to show you how to bowl so our fingers touch, back against chest, and its all romantic and shit?

 **Ina:** No. I really don't want to bowl.

 **Nadia:** :((( but its- it's romantic

 **ass gremlin:** did u just stutter in text?

 **Nadia:** im portraying how i feel, pidge

 **Nadia:** which is sadness

 **Ina:**  Fine. Once. Maybe.

 **Nadia:** hahhahahahah losers we're doing the bowling date thing

 **Lance:** u and the dads are literally the only couples

 **Lance:** u both have literally the only excuse to do that

 **Lance:** well except my sister and the alien chick LIKE SERIOUSLY WTF WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN

 **Nadia** : wont stop me from shoving my gay in your face, tho

 **Lance:**  hey, im just saying it would be weird if i did the bowling date thing to james for no reason

 **James:** Why me?? Why did you choose me out of everyone?

 **Lance:** idk man, ur like, the most dateable

 **Kinky:** not for you all, he's not

 **Lance:** shut it, it was an EXAMPLE

 **ass gremlin:** its cause hes so bashful so ppl like teasing him

 **ass gremlin:**  just try saying an innuendo around him, trust me its worth it

 **ass gremlin:** he would get so flustered with just the word dick

 **ass gremlin:** when im bored i just grab my book on sex jokes and go to his room

 **ass gremlin:** its entertaining

 **James:** I DONT GET FLUSTERED

 **James:** It's just not natural for somebody to come at me with those kind of jokes

 **Nadia:**  hes also hot ngl, and thats coming from a lesbian

 **Keith:** i wouldn't give him that much credit

 **Nadia:** hes wicked hot, keith, cmon

 **Keith:** he's okay

 **Nadia:** thats the best u can do???

 **Kinky:** hes smoking handsome

 **Keith** : well no shit you'd think that

 **Lance:** sometimes i just wanna put my hands through his hair platonically

 **MattyBRaps:** That would be your type, wouldn't it?

 **Lance:** what would?

 **MattyBRaps:** Hair 

 **Lance:** ahjdjjs

 **Lance:**  well not for u its not

 **MattyBRaps** : HEY its under control now.

 **James:** Holy shit, guys.

 **James:**  I am not hot.

 **ass gremlin:** haha he's flustered

 **Kinky:** i beg to differ, james

 **James** : But, I don't understand how

 **Kinky:** we already had this convo dude, we're not doing it again

 **James:** >:(

 **MattyBRaps:** Anyways, see you fuckers at 2:30, I guess

 **MattyBRaps** : I'm going to go buy me some cleats in case I miss the pins and have to run up there myself

 **MattyBRaps** : Gotta get the strike I deserve

 **Hunk:** Bring money for snacks, shoes and the bowling

 **Hunk:** Don't forget! :)

 **ass gremlin:** lowkey sounds like a threat

 **Hunk:** I don't want anybody paying for something they don't have to, so just making sure everybody remembers

 **Hunk:**  We don't want to experience what happened last time

 **ass gremlin:** gtg bbbyyye

 **Kinky** : what happened last time?

 **Hunk:** Pidge owes me 40 bucks, basically. 

 **Lance:** yikes

 **Lance:** good luck pidge lmfao

 **Lance:** hunk holds the longest grudges

 **ass gremlin:**  (　-_･) ︻デ═一 ▸ --------    o͡͡͡╮༼ ʘ̆ > ʘ̆ ༽╭o͡͡͡

 **ass gremlin:** me @ u, lance

 **Lance:** I THOUTGHT U DIDNT LIKE THOSE THINGS

 **ass gremlin:** changed my mind

 **Lance:**  why does it lowkey look like a fucking chicken, tho

 **ass gremlin:** cause its what u are

 **Lance:** :'(((

 

[2:50 PM]

 

 **Veronica:** sucks to suck, lance

 **Lance:** VERONICA

 **Lance:**  u are spending too much time with keith, seriously

 **Lance** : but now i think ik why

 **Veronica:**  yeah, whoops

 **Lance:** how was it, though?

 **Veronica:** well, uhh, its not finished

 **Lance:** YOU JUST GONNA LEAVE HER??

 **Veronica:** no dumbass, she's sleeping

 **Veronica:**  and its maybe

 **Veronica:** on my lap??

 **Veronica** : im sorta panicking lmao

 **Veronica** : but i love this

 **Lance:** AWWWW

 **Veronica:** we were watching a movie, apparently she hasn't seen all the classics so we did that

 **Veronica:** she got tired though and slept after the 3rd harry potter

 **Lance:** is that really a classic?

 **Veronica:** sure fucking is

 **Lance:** cant believe you watched 3 harry potter films in the span of a morning

 **Veronica:**  yeah love hp, so i have no issues with it

 **Veronica:** anyways, im kind of bored and the film is done and i am stuck

 **Veronica:** i feel like it would be a crime to move her

 **Veronica:**  so can you update me on what's happening? it seems interesting

 **Lance:** yeah sure

 **Lance:** we got our tickets and got sorted into groups

 **Lance:** i'm in an alley with shiro/adam, hunk, keith, matt and pidge

 **Lance:** the alley besides us had allura, romelle, coran, james, kinkade and nadia/ina

 **Lance:** but its individually scored

 **Lance:**  so we made it into a challenge

 **Lance:** we'll have the winner overall in our groups, and then we'll put our scores together to see which alley wins

 **Veronica:** nice, and you're halfway into the first game? who's winning?

 **Lance:** FUCKING ADAM

 **Veronica:** i thought he was not playing?

 **Lance:** yeahhh well apparently he likes it

 **Lance:** shiro didnt care bc he saw how dedicated adam was on winning, so he's just gazing at his bf with love

 **Veronica:** that is

 **Veronica:** wholesome

 **Veronica:** and in the other team?

 **Lance:** i dunno im concentrated on my team and on me winning

 **Lance:** he has a 4 strike streak!!!! WTFFFF

 **Keith:** lance only has 30 points lmao loser

 **Keith:** adam's on 100 something

 **Lance:** part of those are shiro's tho

 **Lance** : all of mine are mine

 **Keith:** sure

 **Nadia:** the round is almost done, i better not fucking lose to this lorax looking fucker

 **Lance:** lmfffao

 **Ina:** Nadia is losing big time, and she is whining about it as you can see.

 **Nadia:** I AM NOT

 **Ina:** And Coran is winning

 **Keith:** all i see from our alley is a huge "strike from fuck bitches get money"

 **Keith:** so let me ask

 **Keith:** WHO TF IS THAt

 **Ina:** That is Coran.

 **Lance:** keith can say nothing since he literally named himself Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

 **Lance** : its going through the screen from how long the name is

 **Nadia** : theres gonna be a policy of 30 characters bc of him

 **Veronica:** omfg not that shit

 **ass gremlin:** i hate keith with a passion

 **Keith:** hey

 **Keith:** matt is just 'uwu'

 **Veronica:** that literally doesnt even come close to how fucking bad Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is

 **ass gremlin:**  uwu lost all its meaning, its just a word now

 **Lance:** damn matt the furry and keith the kawaii goth

 **ass gremlin:**  you were a werewolf once, you are the closest to a furry than any of us 

 **Lance:** u know what

 **Lance:** stfu

 

 **MattyBRaps** changed **Keith** 's name to  **Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way**

 

 **MattyBRaps:** Boom, another one

 **Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way:** Fuck NO IT WAS A JOKE

 **Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way** : I DONT WNAT THIS TO BE WHAT IM KNOWN FOR

 

 **Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way** changed their name to **Keith**

 **MattyBRaps** changed **Keith** 's name to  **Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way**

 **Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way** changed their name to **Keith**

 **MattyBRaps** changed **Keith** 's name to **Ebony**

 

 **Ebony:** fine, whatever

 **Lance:**  cursed :((((

 **Allura:** What's that?

 **Lance:** its a cursed fic on wattpad

 **Lance:** about harry potter

 **Lance:** just

 **Lance:** dont look it up

 **ass gremlin** : “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT" Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

 **Veronica:** i am going to fucking kill myself

 **Lance:** ur gonna bring on a whole army, pidge, watch urself

 **ass gremlin:** it has already started, lance, too late

 **MattyBRaps:**  “He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.” 

 **Nadia** : “Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?” 

 **MattyBRaps** : "I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!"

 **Nadia** : “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” It was…………………………………………………….Dumblydore!

 **ass gremlin:**  “Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!!!!” 

 **Lance:** can't believe voldimort invented the shakespearian language

 **Veronica:**  i hate it so much

 **Veronica:** just burn it

 **MattyBRaps:**  "Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap"

 **Lance** : diablo deserved better, change my mind

 **Ebony** : how could you just forget vampire like that?

 **Veronica:** i get so confused on who is who

 **Lance:** diablo is ron duh

 **Ebony:** vampire is harry

 **Ebony:** he legally changed his name and desires to suck draco so

 **MattyBRaps:** Don't forget Snap and Loopin, the pedofils

 **Lance:** didnt voldi get with hedwig at some point

 **Veronica:** EW

 **ass gremlin:** Hargid is better

 **ass gremlin:** he's satanic and sings the gothic versions of 50 cents

 **Ebony:** instead of a lightning scar, vampire has a pentagram and i earn to have that

 **Ebony:** can we replace my scars with pentagrams?

 **MattyBRaps:** KEITH

 **Allura:** They are laughing so much in that alley. Showing each other fanart of the fic, apparently.

 **Veronica:** OH MY FUCKING GOD

 **Allura:** ... I am glad I am grouped with sane people.

 **Kinky:**  “Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11” Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

 **Allura:** Never mind

 **Lance:**  that's some me right there

 

[3:05 PM]

 

Private Message between **Lance** and **Allura**

 

 **Allura:** Lance, I'm freaking out, I don't want to do it

 **Lance:** YOU PROMISED

 **Allura:** Yeah, but I didn't promise I'd do it today

 **Lance:** you told me you would do it tmr

 **Lance:** ToDAY IS TOMORROW

 **Allura:** I can't

 **Lance:** you know what

 **Lance:** ill cancel our spa appointment if you don't

 **Allura:** You can't do that!

 **Lance:** i will since it will make you happier

 **Allura:** I'm the opposite of happy!

 **Lance:** until you ask romelle how you feel and then everything gets resolved

 **Lance:** you get a gf

 **Lance:** and i get a happy bff

 **Allura:** Ughh

 **Lance:** ill even tell everyone in the bowling alley to go outside if i have to

 **Lance:** let you guys alone

 **Lance:** but dont have too much fun ;)

 **Lance:** the place is a lil unhygienic

 **Allura:** LANCE

 **Lance:** was that a bad lance of a good lance?

 **Allura:** Uhh, middle-ish Lance.

 **Lance:** ill take it.

 **Allura:** I know you are trying your hardest to make me happy

 **Allura** : But I do not think this will work...

 **Allura:**  What if she doesn't even like me... like... that?

 **Lance:** allura, she literally gazes at you all the time

 **Lance:**  she talks about you like you invented the world, she never responds to the chat unless youre there, i have never seen so many smiley faces

 **Lance:**  trust me, this is going to go just fine

 **Lance:** do u not trust me?

 **Allura:**  Well of course I trust you, Lance

 **Allura:** I just have the feeling this could go potentially wrong.

 **Lance:** she loves you, even i can see that

 **Lance:** and if you love her enough you would do no matter what to make her ur gf

 **Allura:** I would like that

 **Lance:** SEE

 **Allura:** Alright, I'll talk to her

 **Lance:** ALLURA

 **Allura:** Is that a good allura or bad? :)

 **Lance:** :')

 **Lance:** u know damn well which one it is

 

[4:10 PM]

 

**Gang Gang**

 

 **ass gremlin:** where did allura go?

 **Veronica:** not sure this is the best place to ask that

 **Veronica:** considering you all are in the same room and i am not

 **ass gremlin:** yah but maybe allura can hear us from within

 **Veronica:** within wear?

 **ass gremlin:** the depths of the universe

 **ass gremlin:** the final metaverse

 **ass gremlin:** alluraaaa

 **ass gremlin:** allura are you there???

 **Lance:** shes busy just let her be :)))

 **ass gremlin:** LANCE U KNOW DONT U

 **Ebony:**  yeah and idk why he would hide it

 **ass gremlin:** wait u know too???

 **Ebony:** yeh

 **ass gremlin:** why u???

 **Ebony:** bc he told me?

 **Ebony:** dunno what else to say there

 **Nadia:** i do

 **Ebony:** SHUT IT RIZAVI

 **ass gremlin:**  wait how? u guys never left?

 **Nadia:** u didnt notice the blatant acting? lmao u missed out pidge

 **Ebony:** well

 **Ebony:**  lance pulled me aside, saying his shoes were too tight and he needed new ones from the guy up front.

 **Ebony:** and he couldn't take them off, so he needed my help

 **Ebony:** then, when we were alone at the shoe drop offs, he just said he didn't need to fix his shoes he just needed to talk

 **Ebony:** as if i didnt know through, yeah, the blatant acting

 **Ebony:**  honestly thought he wanted me for something else :/

 **Ebony:** but whatever

 **Ebony:**  he then told me the situation, thats how i know

 **ass gremlin:** what >:( unfair

 **Nadia:** KEITH THAT SLY COMMENT RIGHT THERE

 **Ebony:** dunno what you're talking about

 **ass gremlin:** keith tell us what lance said

 **Ebony:** sorry, he told me not to "rat out"

 **Lance:** haha!

 **Nadia:** lance, you were less subtle than hunk covering up for you when you "missed" training week

 **ass gremlin:**  he should never go into acting

 **Lance:** im okay at acting, excuse you

 **Lance:**  and idk what you're talking about, of course i was sick during training

 **Ebony:**  lance, we all knew

 **Ebony:** hunk said you had an infection in your nose cartilage so you had to miss the week

 **Lance:** U WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY I WAS JUST SICK, HUNK

 **Hunk:** I panicked

 **ass gremlin:** as much as i love teaming up on lance

 **ass gremlin:** keith needs to spill his guts

 **ass gremlin:** whip out the tongue

 **ass gremlin:** cash out the esophageal sphincter

 **Lance:** that doesnt even make sense

 **ass gremlin:** it does it you think hard enough

 **Nadia:** we all know lance is loyal asf and loves watching ppl guess

 **Nadia:** so obviously he wont spill

 **Nadia:** but keith

 **Ebony:** i promised him, so no

 **Lance:** :')

 **Veronica:** first time im seeing them actually being nice to each other

 **Ebony:** we are being nice, we're hanging around together right now

 **Lance:** without fighting, may i add

 **Ebony:** ^^

 **Nadia:** you guys are so close, you might as well be sitting in each other's lap

 **Lance:** agsjdjdjd

 **MattyBRaps:** Hey, Keith, I think you and I need to go to the boy's rain closet for a sec.

 **Ebony:** the fucking what now?

 **Lance:** hes busy, just like allura, cant we live in peace???

 **MattyBRaps:** No lmao

 **Hunk:** He means the boy's bathroom.

 **Nadia:** the holt siblings needs to keep up with this generation and start making sense

 **Hunk:** He once asked me where the ass gasket was

 **Hunk:** I didn't know what he was talking about until he gestured it

 **Nadia:** matt that sounds slightly flirtatious

 **Nadia:** wanting to go into the bathrooms with keith?

 **Nadia:** u sure???

 **Lance:** matts trynna bone keith????

 **MattyBRaps:** I don't want to bone Keith, seriously

 **MattyBRaps:** Me and Keith are gonna have a chit chat

 **MattyBRaps:** Cause I want to know the tea

 **MattyBRaps:** It's just a matter of principle, as Adam would say

 **Veronica:** where are they anyways? still playing?

 **Nadia:** well, ina and i are having a pizza break with our lovely gays kinky and jinky

 **Nadia:** shiro and adam are playing against one another

 **Nadia:** coran is bopping out with the music, being the best uncle out there

 **Nadia:**  keith and lance are hanging out at the shoe place still, just relaxing on the ground, over each other's laps practically

 **Nadia:** pidge, matt and hunk are playing in the arcade

 **Nadia:** romelle and allura are just gone

 **Nadia** : and yeh

 **Nadia:** ........

 **Nadia:** wait a fucking minute

 **Lance:** DONT

 **Veronica:**  does that mean someone won? since the game seems over?

 **ass gremlin:** oh yeaahhhh

 **ass gremlin:** we just dont wanna talk about it

 **Lance:** I DO

 **ass gremlin:** thats cause ur team won dumbass

 **Lance:** the first round

 **Lance:** but adam won overall by a fucking landslide

 **Lance:** guinness world record breaker right there

 **Veronica:** oh boy, shiro must be proud

 **MattyBRaps:** Shiro is trying to beat Adam's high score at the moment

 **MattyBRaps:** He's dying and isn't even CLOSE

 **ass gremlin:** we just side tracked again, guys

 **ass gremlin:** WIAT

 **ass gremlin:** I KNOW IT OMG NADIA THANK YOU

 **Nadia:** i dont know what i did but ur welcome

 **ass gremlin:** it makes so much sense now

 **Lance:** its been 20 minutes, they have to be coming back sometime

 **Ebony:** no screaming yet, so all seems good

 **Lance:** KEITH

 **Ebony:** i was going to say no deaths but i felt like you wouldnt appreciate that

 **Lance:** i dont appreciate the screaming either

 **Ebony:** well, whatchu gonna do

 **Allura:** Why are you guys texting when you're both sitting next to each other?

 **Lance:** ALLURA

 **Ebony:** how did it go?

 **ass gremlin:** spill spill spill spill spill

 **Allura:** I may or may not have a girlfriend??

 **Lance:** AHSJKDKJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

 **Ebony:** i felt that through my pores, goddammit lance

 **Lance:** !!! ALLURA !!!

 **Lance:** I ToLD U

 **Ebony:** im happy for you allura, thats a big something

 **ass gremlin:** holy shiiiitt congrats

 **Nadia:** I KNEW IT

 **Romelle:** I am extremely happy, you don't even know!

 **Lance** : congrats romelle!!!

 **Hunk:** THAT'S SO AMAZING, YOU GUYS

 **Allura:** Thank you all :))

 **Romelle:** Indeed!!!<33

 **Ebony:** at least yall are happy

 **MattyBRaps:** Holy FUCk YES

 **MattyBRaps:** ANNOUNCE IT

 **Allura:** I am not going to tell this whole bowling centre we're dating

 **ass gremlin:** whoops i already told shiro and adam tho

 **ass gremlin:** now coran knows bc shiro got hella excited and ran to hug allura

 **ass gremlin:** and uhhh allura, u have a coran coming for u

 **Allura:** Oh shit, gtg

 **Allura:** He'll still be happy for me, he's just likes to make sure I'm ready

 **Allura:** Which I am :)

 **Romelle:**  My heart!

 **Nadia:** ina is sending her "felicitations", as she said

 **Kinky:** yeah and we're really happy for you gals

 **Kinky:** james is too he just doesnt want to pick up his phone bc he's scared of this chat and what it can do

 **ass gremlin:** i would be too honestly, james is a mood

 **Ebony:** i think you are the main cause of that fear, pidge

 **Lance:** anyways, i think we're all happy here

 **Ebony:** could be better

 **Lance:**  well, we didnt ask for ur opinion keith

 **Ebony:**  im gonna give it no matter what you say, anyways

 **Lance:**  just let the lesbians live in peace, kogane

 **Ebony:** bi-erasure on ur apart :/

 **Lance:** u did not just steal my moto

 **Ebony:** :)

 **Lance:** KEITH

 **ass gremlin:** oh god i hear them from the arcade room

 **Allura:** Uhh fine, I'm on it


End file.
